Wed, May 1, 2013 at 4:25 AM By: Haitian Bell

now however it hasn't always been that way. I was mad at God for a long time because I thought he didn't love me. A year after having my first son I made plans to visit my dad in Haiti to catch up and talk about why he didn't love me engouh to come to the states more. The winter of 99 he passed and I was to visit him summer of 99. I felt like the one opportunity I had to solve the messed up relationships i've been having with men that stem from my dad was gone. He was a doctor and my grand dad was a doctor too, that was their calling. When I went to his burial I felt hate for the people he was taking care of because they knew him more then I did. Crying out for him young and old " daddy y did u leave us who's gonna feed us give us meds save our lives." Disgust to the hightest level but in the end I only had myself to blame. When I came to the US when I was 3 the first time I returned was to attend his funeral. My whole life has been here attend all my schooling here American to the bone so much so I still bearly know how to speak cerole well. Side bar the eldest son and the baby are speaking better than me. Sad but true. Anywho as I teenager my mom traveled back home every year and offered my to go saying my dad was waiting on me but I was so assimlated into the cultrue I wasn't trying to hear that. Beside I heard so many bad and negative things about my home I didn't want to go. He would come to the us we would sent time and I was disinterested. My mind waas on other things and I didn't know how much I would need him or the relationship for my future.

Although I distant from him I still wanted to be like him and become so sought of doctor like my other brothers and sisters. Even they went went into the medical field none have sacrificed their families to do it and that where my problem with my dad was. Not that he worked and took of care people but its that he gave up his family to do it. I carried that around for a long long long long time. Until one night( can't believe ima bout to share this" I had a dream I was with my dad we spoke laughed, cried and shared. He took me around and introduced to all the important people who he wanted me to meet as his daughter. He explained his actions towards this children he said" I gave you the most important thing I had to offer which is my DNA (cocky guy love him so) with that the sky is the limit for you to accomplish any and every thing. If I came to the states who would help these people who had close to nothing to live and survive. I could not leave them I pray you forgive me and know that you are loved and worth everything and you should never settle cus your my daughter." After that chat we went to a parade and I was the Queen sitting in the float waving and living it up with my father then all of a sudden out of know where someone shoot at me and my father jumped in front of the bullet and was shoot. They drove us off the roadHe told me he loved me and to remember all he said as I was holding him I said I love you too daddy and he died in my arms.

That was the last time I saw my dad and thats truly when my life started to be good. I started to master my skills and and made a definite decision about what my career choice. Which is to help other improve their lives like my father did. My relationship with God has grown and continue to grow because of it and I'm very very happy. I choose a line of work that will allow me to be close with my children to teach and learn and build with them. Working in non-profit will not make me rich financially but u give and take, I have heathly, my kids,, and the opportunity to help other do the same thing so don't cry for me Life is Good. All I am waiting for now is a Godly man who cares about family community and helping others improve their lives. Never Stop Never Settle on my wild rabbit henny chase. Life is Good.

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